I Need You.

Hello, Friend.

I have a confession to make.

I am not a people person.

If you know me casually at all, it was probably surprising for you to read that. It was equally astonishing for me to discover it about myself nearly four decades into my life,

I have lived my life up to this point as an unintentionally superficial social person. That is to say, I have been involved in activities such as performing music that appear inherently social. What I have discovered, however, is that when I take tests about introversion and extroversion I typically skew introverted. I guess it’s not entirely surprising, as I was an only child until I was 17 and then I was out of the house at 18. I spent a lot of time alone when I was young.

I have typically prided myself on being a somewhat fierce individualist. I have the clearest memory of my grandmother asking me, when back to school shopping, “what other kids are wearing.” I fiercely shot back “I don’t care what other kids are doing!” That memory has really stuck with me. I look up to people like Henry Rollins and Ian Mackaye who are known for having a strong individual worldview. I am not a club, team or organization person. I’ll support your cause, but don’t ask me to join your group.

Something helpful was when I discovered that I am really closest to (we all fall on a spectrum) what is called an “extroverted introvert.” When I go down the list in this excellent article, 10 Signs That You’re an ‘Extroverted Introvert’, I check almost all of these boxes. On the surface, I am the life of the party but I need a break from people.

At the same time, what I have also learned (in what seems like some kind of paradox) is that I absolutely need people. My circle of trust is small and tight and involves decades of friendship and support. But I absolutely need these people in my life. Unfortunately, they live in different places. And in our already disconnected world, it makes my alienation sometimes unbearable.

2019 was one of the toughest of my life. Divorce, the death of my father, the loss of my cousin and other traumas made it a banner year for suffering. But it also was one of the best years, being that I learned just how important it was to be in community with other people. This community of friends delivered for me in spades.

So, there I sat on New Year’s Eve 2019 wishing good riddance to a terrible year and expectantly looking forward to what friends were calling “my year.” Hello, coronavirus aka COVID-19 or as I like to call it The WuTang.

So, here we are, quarantining ourselves the best we can while we try to manage our collective anxieties about what the future may hold for all of us.

Many people are struggling right now. As somebody who has been in and around music for the past three decades, it’s been very heartbreaking to see tour after tour cancel. I worked event staffing to make ends meet for many years and I also think of the concessions, bartenders, security and other staff affected. I think of the struggling small businesses, the elderly, the immune-compromised and the side-hustle dependent. Life is fragile.

I know it’s tempting in the current social and political climate to blame, to accuse, to panic, etc. Please don’t do that. We need each other more than ever at this moment. If you just need somebody to vent to, or I can help some way, please feel free to hit me up.

I was really heartened by the amazing response in Nashville to devastating tornados a few weeks back. At one point they had so many volunteers, aid organizations were sending people home. It really cemented my decision to return (at the end of this year) to a place that I woefully took for granted during the previous seven years that I lived there.

So, here we are, binge-watching, stock-piling, worrying about what we will do with our kids, nervous our jobs will still be there and so many things. We need each other to get through this.

I need you.

In the meantime, may your spirit be lifted (as mine was) by these wonderful Italians singing their way through the quarantine…